my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
