also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
