I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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