Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize