Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
