Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
