11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
