i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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