So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize