Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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