That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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