If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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