They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
