Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
