this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
