it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
