i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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