so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
