is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
