I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize