i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
