Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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