I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
