On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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