Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
