The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
