the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
