Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
