But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
