i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
