I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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