Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
