Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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