i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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