Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
