i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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