R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
