i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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