Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
