Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
