I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
