Did you just see the Batmobile???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
