maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
