We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
