Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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