sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
