the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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