When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you bring me the toilet please
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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