I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Rumble strips road head = magical
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
