I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
