I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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