Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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