Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
