you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
