It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
