so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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