i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
