just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
