If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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