try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
