3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
