i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
