I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
