Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Panties = found
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