we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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