i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
