Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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