Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize