Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
