this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
