Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
zippers are such a cool invention
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
